This entry is more of a vent...then a realization..well maybe it's a bit a both...A long time ago when i was broke up over the "apparent" loss of my ex in college(read: first boyfriend ever!), a good friend of mine told me something so profound..i couldn't wrap my brain around it..she simply told me "Niggas come back!" She didn't preface that shit..she didn't add anything on...and i do believe I've touch on this before...Simply, just when u thought that someone was out of your life and you've grieved for them...they always manage to come back..In some capacity..either begging to get back in or just trying to charm their way in...And i believe I've experienced a brief upswing in the comeback theory...Call it the spring fever or maybe i look my best in spring or somehow i just exude a ethereal beauty...ahahaha Seriously..some, I'm like yessssssssssss..because u know how life gets in the way and u lose contact with someone..and viola by some stroke of nature or luck..u run into them..and the whole time you're talking..you're cheesing...those are the reconnection's i love and like..cause it's like a new shiny coin..all polished and ready to spend...the possibilities are infinite..and u don't mind take that chance...But on the other hand u have those people who just caused strife, come back...and i don't know if it's to torment you for another time..get over another time..i mean it's not really clear in the beginning because all they're trying to do is get a foot in the door..and the ya know I'm very leery..because often when they come back..it's not on some oh I'm sorry I'm this..or any type of apology it's on some bravado..."u know u miss me." do i? I've learned from my mistakes and don't even entertain that kinda tomfoolery...u really cant believe u enriched my life and tried to weigh me down at the same time..so much so..i want u to do it again..yes please sir another heartache!...no thanks I'll pass..really it's a weird thing..because when u seemingly go about your business..they'll press and press till u see them..nah jack! it ain't happening...I'd like to share a story----->I went on a date a few months ago...the demise of the date was that dude couldn't control his urge to look at every ass that passed in the joint...i took offense to that..because it made me feel like i was so uninteresting that all he had to do was look at ass...and when i mentioned it..he said to me he thought he was smooth with it...my facial expression said he wasn't smooth but eh...so yeah needless to say the date ended shortly thereafter...fast forward a few months dude hits me up.. asks me would i go on a date with him..i said no..he said he'd changed..but then he proceeded to act a fool and that further showed he didn't change...so he went on to say...u need to get in on the ground floor..i got a new car..a new house..I'm making moves to open my own practice...please go to a movie with me...ruth chris...mccormick and schmick...now by this time i was too thru(and he was not joking) because..granted seafood is my fave but i cant be bought with a meal..and him thinking i was that hard up for a meal said he ain't change one bit...and i know some of u will say i was reading too deep..whatever..this convo spanned...yahoo messenger..then gmail...once i logged off yahoo...but yeah he called me a tough cookie...but i really am trying to press forward and not go backward...i just think u invite the same thing once u do go back..not to say people can't change but often progress is very slow when the person feels no need for change...So to those of your who are reading before you go back weigh the pros and cons and really ask what is that they can do to enrich your life now..If you can't come up with anything..it's probably not a good idea to let them back in

This is a double whammy... a dual entry i didn't touch on..So Friday i went out to ladies night with my friends from college/high school..I was already apprehensive because when we all hook up all they talk about are their children/husband/boyfriend..and ya know the girl has neither..and it's not so much that i don't have any of that but some are quick to point that out. Like in a discussion i have nothing valid to add because I'm without child or a man...*shrugs* I try to have an open mind since these are my friends but I have one friend who likes to just pick..like if i say something jokingly she'll start in on me..and she's just argumentative and combative...like she's the only one with a point of view..i know that we'll but heads soon..i just know it..other than that she's so sweet..but she has these moments when she thinks she's this wise married woman..eh..I'm over it...and I'm glad i don't have all the things they have tying them down because i get to go where i wanna...which is always a topic of discussion... ah well...