If it's one thing i know absolutely..it's that often people(in relations or otherwise) don't know what the hell they want from someone else..let alone themselves..and the mind fucks ensue. In no way is this entry a bitter woman's entry..It's just that how can one expect someone to give to them when they don't know what they want you to give. That brings to mind the age old adage..what came first the chicken or the egg?.. sitting and talking to someone about your position in their life is just like this adage. They are sure of 1, maybe 2 things..they know they want you in their life..but at what capacity? And if you are not in the capacity that they think you want..they run the risk of losing you. In my dealings..romantic and friendly..i tend to be the emotional cheerleader and giver..It's no surprise when i meet people who are emotionally unavailable. The tug of war takes place, I'm accused of not letting them any closer than where they are..i accuse them of not opening up any further than what they have. Angry angry angry..stand off..stand off..someone has to relinquish some power..laugh laugh laugh..and it's back on..rinse and repeat. I've decided I can't keep doing the same things...when u do the same things you get the same results. It's not as if i sought the same situations in the past, it just seemed like i always got them..by some happenstance. Briefly i discussed the unraveling of a courtship with a dude i dated today..he asked why we didn't work..to which i could pinpoint the exact moment "we went wrong." He remembered it clear as day as i ran down the days activities with him...to which he said damn..i said that?...better believe it buddy!...most of the time i do believe people get on their high horse when trying to rationalize things, when they hurt peoples feelings. The conversation was refreshing but i wasn't going back...simply couldn't..sorry. I was also told to stop being so sensitive..that's another issue as well..as a person, i feel..and i am not being overly sensitive when it comes to my feelings and my well being..to which i told the person whatever..and left it at that..I'm not longer apologizing for my feelings and feeling humanly alive...Over the years I've internalized a whole lot..and it's now time to let all that breath..so i can let it go and seek the change i wanna be. I'm growing. :)