This is twofer friday...

This thing called dating is rough..you have to gauge interest..keep interest..drop kick the idiots (if u have any) field potentials..and if you're even in the game u gotta just go with it..It's like a traffic jam for me..u sit in traffic burning time..waiting for a clear lane. But the thing i guess i have difficulty with is..after a certain about of time you have to have "the talk," it cant flow forever and you know you're bound to have a few casualties because someone may think you're moving to fast. But i guess you owe it to them and your piece of mind to know if you should waste anymore time and energy on something that may not leave the ground...I guess it has it's place in this crazy world...I've been told i'm not such a great dater..but i cant date several folks at once..my granny use to say don't put all your eggs in one basket but it's like eh...I always think of my mama..and how she was just a serial dater..and you know how some scientist believe u inherit traits from your parents..clearly i didn't get that from my mama..ah well..what's a girl a to do? Reminds me of a song..

[Pharrell:]
we do this in our sleep niggaz
Yessir

[Snoop:]
U eva been in love b4?
Let me holla at u mann
U know it's hard for a playa to admit that sumtimes
But I'm a spit that sumtimes
U know wat I'm sayin'
Ay p, give it to em one time, nephew

[Pharrell nd Charlie:]
There's sumthin bout this girl
From around my way
Ever try to hold back ur feelings,
But it just wouldn't stay?
But when I finally found the words to say
I wanted to run away
Simply run away

[Pharrell:]
U can try to run and hide
It wont make a difference
U can lie to urself
Of the reason
Sure it hurts wen it comes to ur attention
That ur in love with the girl

Yessir, that's her
But it wasn't like that back wen I met her
The lavish life from all the do? spun
Before the RR had the hitchhike thumb
Her friends didn't like niggaz like us but i
Arrested the coochie and her feelings got cuffed
Spiderweb sex, must'a got caught up
But there's more to it
I remember once
Sayin' let's shit on the peons
Let's go ta vegas nd watch celine dion
Make em say 'wat we on??
U say no like u was doin it for eons
Fuck it, I'll just hum and let the watch give off the neons
Wen it rains it pours
I laughs to myself wen I change the score
U said my sex was a lot but my brain gave u more
And sumn bout how ya ex was a toy
I guess he played games
There's only diamond dice here
Not tryin ta justify
But wen ya shut ya eye u can touch the sky
U in trouble ma
And u should pray about speed
But if this bout u
Wat that say about me?

[Pharrell and Charlie:]
But when I finally found the words to say
I wanted to run away
Simply run away

[Pharrell:]
U can try to run and hide
It wont make a difference
U can lie to urself
Of the reason
Sure it hurts wen it comes to ur attention
That ur in love with the girl

[Snoop:]
See I'm a crip in dark blue chucks
And I does wat I does
Yea I might say 'cuz?
It's really weird cuz a nigga got love
Snoop Dogg's a crip and the girl was a blood (what??)
She told me that her baby-daddy was a thug
Now it is wat it is and it was how it was
I'm hollin lil mama like wat
Money mo stacked tryin ta get my g's back
All these memories breed seeds of a rhythm rhyme pleaser
Laid back while we sippin on a breeza
Fresh 4-pack sittin in the freeza
Ain't that kadeeja? I heard she was a Skeeza?
She used ta hit them licks wit the Beezas
Wen I seen her wit the homies, I was like ?JESUS!?
It's been a lil min since I seen her
Hope her man don't run up cuz ill have to pull the neena

[Pharrell and Charlie:]
There's sumthin bout this girl
From around my way
Ever try to hold back ur feelings,
But it just wouldn't stay?
But when I finally found the words to say
I wanted to run away
Simply run away

[Pharrell and Charlie:]
U can try to run and hide
It wont make a difference
U can lie to urself
Of the reason
Sure it hurts wen it comes to ur attention
That ur in love with the girl

I remember I was about 8 and I was dressing for school. Rummaging thru my clothing, I was searching for the perfect outfit for picture day. "Neicyyyyy"...My aunt Ceal yelled..."get down here so I can press your hair...you know today is picture day"..I stood there debating my outfit..a navy pleated skirt..a sky blue victorian collar button up and a cable knit sweater vest..i pulled out some white tights..and immediately thru down some black mary janes(things were simple and u only had 2..maybe 3 pairs of shoes tops)...and proceeded with the rest of my morning which typically started at 530...i lived a block away from my school..but my aunt and I had a ritual...She pressed my hair ridiculously straight that day...i remember it because I couldn't shake that bergamot smell..I was shoo'ed upstairs and told get dressed..Dressing fastly, I was so excited to get my picture taken..I was more excited because I had on new shoes...Ceal called me again..."Neicyyyyy"...and down the steps I came pristinely dressed...immaculate schoolgirl realness...she fawned over how much i looked like my momma..and what an adorable lil baby i was..she handed me my glasses(yes i wore corrective lens since i was in preK) Oh my god I couldn't wait to get to school. I sat thru the pledge nervously, practicing my smile...and finally my class was called over the P.A. My little heart twitterpattered.. We walked the long hall which always smelled of pizza and corn...i stood and i stood..and i stood..it seemed i waited forever..some name similiar to mines was finally called..Taylor, Chinese...Taylor, Chinese...hmmmm, i thought..wtf? I thought for a moment that can't possibly be me..and i continued to wait till i was properly called...i was the only Shanise i knew..and i wanted my name pronounced correctly..the photographer looked at me "Taylor".."yes" i said.."but not Chinese, Shanise Renee"..but i told him.."maybe we have a new kid"...he laughed and said, "well excuse me Ms. Shanise Renee Taylor," he escorted me to photo taking area. He directed me to put my hands in my lap and relax.."look forward and give a pretty smile",(now as a child u had no idea..u just did what your parents thought was cute..and that included that big ass cheesy smile ) he said...i looked down and frowned.. he asked what was wrong..i launched into a speech about my shoe and how they wont show in the picture because the pics are indeed headshots..i was thoroughly disappointed..u know the way a child can only be..mopping... the photographer said "those are great shoes lemme see what we can do"...I perked up instantly..He took 2 polaroids of my complete outfit.."here's one for your mom and one for your teacher"..i was elated..and spent the rest of the day floating on a cloud..by the time i got home i had to tell my aunty about my day verbatim..she took her picture and said she'd put the pic up at work..my shoes were the bomb! and they needed to be seen at 8..as i recalled this story i smiled and laughed..i dont know what the hell i was thinking..navy blue, skyblue..white and black? OMG Noooooooooooooooooooo
..wool sweater vest over a polyblend shirt..Jesus! I wouldnt dream of donning navy blue at this age...unless it was a uniform or jeans..it's just one of those colors that i cannot effectively match shoes with(black is too harass and some browns look to matronly..and hell no to white shoes with it.)..and further mary janes with a pleated skirt...i just knew i was doing it...today i have to have the precise shoe for the precise cut..length and style of a jeans, pant or skirt...and i think it stemmed from that outfit@8..I'm glad my fashion taste has evolved...and no i dont have those pics but that picture is forever etched in my mind.

Ya know sometimes I'm asked why do i blog...

I blog as a means of catharsis..and my hands are not that strong at
actually writing,as they are at flying across these keys...the thoughts
flow better when I'm typing as opposed to actually writing in the several journals
i have @ home..and I do have them..I always thought..no one reads these things..so I'd purge and purge...For some of you who have been with me since the inception of this said blog, u know that this is my 3rd blog on blogger..1 previously deleted..1 just chillin on my dashboard...I reread it often...to recheck how i was feeling last year or several years ago about this time...i even blogged on myspace for a moment..but as with everything..u don't tell people everything..so when they read it in a blog it's like damn i thought we were friends...and i don't see it as me purposely withholding information..it's just that when i see someone there are a million other things to talk about that the dull and mundane things that happen in my life. But I'm finding no matter how big or small people want a connection. That was made apparent last night..As of 430 P.M. EST I let yesterday's double entry stand..Just when u thought no one was reading..i got several phone calls...A friend told me never to think I'm alone..and it's funny because i told another friend that..but i guess it's different when you yourself have a minor melt down of sorts. No amount of words can comfort you because it has to be alright within... But that discussion led to the realization that i only actually keep in touch with a handful of people..and if you fall outside of that handful, then i catch u when i catch u...and that's wrong, since i do call a few folks my friends...not just associates..i guess we all get so wrapped up in life...time goes by and we say to ourselves...i'mma call...i'mma call..but as time passes we don't and we don't..then we figure well damn it's way too late...it's never too late.. Also i was pleasantly surprised to find out more of your read this here blog daily...you just don't comment and that's fine by me...I appreciate you all...

Enough of the sappiness...

I HAVE A NEW CRUSH!!!
Now i tend to be a music snob in the way that..no one can turn me onto someone musically..i have to slowly get into something myself..and that's the case with Darien Brockington... I first heard him on a DJ Cuzzin B cd..Soul 4 Sale and i thought he had a good voice..and it was interesting..very emotion filled... I thought no more and went about my musical perusing...it wasn't until i got a Justus League sampler..wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy back when Big Daddy Kane was in Bmore..I never listened to it..and put it to the side with my several hundred other free cd's.. But i heard a song one day...Can we fall in love again. I really only liked the beat at first..then when i listened to the voice again and the emotion i discovered it was him and started paying closer attention...I also blew the dust off that Justus League sampler which offered 8 free songs by Darien a.k.a. DBrock. So i'm sitting here this morning..listening and yes..it's officially a crush :) I guess i needed a new one since Eric Roberson is starting to feel like a comfy tee...So check this dude out YOU MAY LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR Listen to the song here!

I'm allowed one day....and this is the one...
I always listen to people and their problems
and seeing as how i never really have a problem
i'd just liked someone to listen..impart some wisdom
and be done with it...It always seems when one thing
doesnt go right it creates a sort of domino effect...
i don't stay down often but today...i'mma sit in it
i'm always my own pick me up...i've always been that way
the "my happiness is not dependent on others type"
but hell i could use some cheering up when i tend to be everyones
cheerleader...and i'm not getting that today...everyone has their own issues..
and the things their talking bout i could care less about..
this is the part where i revert back into my shell and become a hermit of sorts.
i'm just feeling out of sorts mostly and it's not sitting well with me...
i feel vulnerable..and i hate feeling this way.
some lyrics popped in my head and i mouthed them as i walked back to my desk
"Days like this, I dont know what to do with myself.
All day - and all night.
I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath.
I say to myself.
I need fuel - to take flight -

And theres too much going on.
But its calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion.
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion."

i suppose i just need a strong ass drink..a hug..a kick in the ass..a hand...an ear
a shopping sprees...something new.. a shift in focus..a change of perspective.. my momma/my granny.

Namaste

WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT...

I have yet to see any of the newly released summer movies past Pirates of the Caribbean 3. I can't say I've made any efforts to see them...I think it's safe to say I no longer go to the movies alone..and it seems that my only reason to go to the movies would be on a date or with a friend...and i guess i haven't done either in this past month. One movie i was amped about was Transformers..since i was a huge fan when i was younger but after finding out Starscreen doesn't talk..and some of my other fave don't as well I'm underwhelmed...then as ifthat weren't enough...Tyrese in transformers is a stretch(this dude stays working as a actor...i hope his agent is gettin that cheddar) but Anthony Anderson too? I thought it was a 1 black minimum in summer blockbusters...I guess with Ocean's 13 beating that..because they just employee all minorities in their film..sorta like the Jolie-Pitt tribe...Hmmm i wonder how Anderson's comedic timing will go over in this movie...i guess i wont see right? I have quite a few movies in my house that i have and have not seen..and have more on the way..I discovered this..How u may ask? Monday while in my cleaning frenzy...i tried my hardest to organize my cd/dvd's but they were every where...i neatly piled them..music on the bottom,dvd's on the top...I also discovered something is wrong with my cd player..and i cant tell u how long ago i used that thing but ah well...right now it's a placeholder...

I finally got around to my kitchen last night...and i can say i was mildly put off...i've complained to my landlord that my stove was old as dust...and i wanted a new or used one...You see my apt wasn't exactly in moving in conditions when i moved in...At the time i was the property manager under another landlord..I was also in a smaller apt... and for those of you who read this, that have been in my current spot..i know you're thinking how much fucking smaller can u go? How about my apt was right underneath my current one and my whole old apt could fit into my current one..including the bathroom comfortably...When i got that apt in 2001..i was fresh out of a long relationship that went no where..so when i left a room was good..i didnt care i just needed to be out...But soon the building emptied and the landlord gave me first pick of 2 apts that opened up..the basement rear..the only perks was the off the street parking and own entrance(if u liked alley entry).. There were bars on the windows and at the time i didnt know they had portable AC units...i also thought of floods and how a basement may smell...so i passed..but as soon as Sarah and her man moved out of where i was now..i made no quarrels and i just took the apt as it was..looking back i should have asked for that shit to be painted and sand blasted..but yeah...that's neither here nor there...what i didnt know is that i needed to be out of my old apt in 2 days...so i barely had time to clean or really do anything...the kitchen was as is with the inherited grease stains..but i thought how hard could it be..damn hard...especially when the people before u didnt do that much to ward it off..so now i try my best every 2 weeks to maintain a clean exterior but it's a bit overwhelming...the old tenants also painted the kitchen that god awful green...as well as left several things in the pantry that are still there..ahahah sad but true...it just got to the point that i was like fuck it...organized around it cause who knows if i'll ever need crutches..or painting equipment...I said all that to say..u know how u entertain and u dont want anyone thinking you're dirty...well that carries with me all the time..and i think i am a bit self conscious about inviting people over for that very reason..my apt is very cozy and quaint..but i dont want anyone looking too closely..in addition i got ella who's fur tends to shed but i got that under control :)

This morning i got to the office only to be greeted by my coworkers being either late or not coming in...I never beef or catch an attitude when they're out but when i'm out i get mad shade...So this morning i just laughed because i know i have some time off coming up(yay bday and nyc trip)...and as they get mad because i have approved time off...i'll be sippin a margarita somewhere...

My blog tends to not be about one thing rather what's on my mind...As i perused different sites and blogs yesterday..i found each and every one interesting and thought about how my writing was perceived..in no way shape or form am i a pro writer but some folks have hit me up regarding opportunities...but i would hope my writing reflects who i am at the heart of it.

AND NOW FOR SOME TUESDAY MORNING HILARITIES..
They cancelled this show..and i was very sad...but i will be asking for the complete set for my bday...so i can relive the moments as often as i want.

Some days my life is absolutely boring...and last night was no exception. I came in the house thinking all i wanted to do was lay in my bed and sleep..but it turned into a 2.5 hour cleaning frenzy...with the exception of cleaning the stove...everything in my apt is as close to spotless as it can be..I cleaned in a tanktop and my boy cut shorts(even mopped the common area floor landing with em on)...I used a new product on my floors and fixtures this time...I'm generally leery of lemon scented products but this one smelled fresh and clean..it was pinesol...typically i'd use the regular pinesol...but i picked this up..and used it on everything...i think i sent my cat into a cleaning product tizzy because she did this lil breakdance move on the kitchen floor once i had finished mopping..which is crazy in and unto itself because this chick doesn't like baths but she'll splay herself across a damp floor...hey clean how u wanna clean kitty..anyway..i lifted and dust every pair of shoes on the floor...the ones on the shelf are a whole nother beast...But by the time i laid/sat on my bed post shower..i was so damn tired and satisfied..nothing like a clean apt to fall asleep in... Wed. night i'll do my stove..How's that for an exciting life? I don't tend to complain during my down time because when my life spins it spins..for instance like the month of may i think every weekend i was outta town or somewhere other than my apt.

Now that we've talked about my delicious life.. let's talk about my impending trip to Miami...I'm traveling with my homies..so that's 4 to a room..roughly our individual parts as it stands is 180 for the room for 4 days...and they haven't staked out our airfare as of yet..but I'm sure it'll be the priciest of the total package.. But as I'm looking over the listing for the trip...it's all my married friend/engaged/prengaged/sacked up..so they're all like well we got our money..we just waiting on sha..well hell yeah u waiting on me..and i really don't have to go...u haven't even gotten the plane tickets and i'm supposedly lagging behind..But it's funny when someone in a 2 income household tries to compare finances to that of a single person...Not only do u have your money but u have your man's money..and it is indeed used as a means to supplement their own income...or at least absorb half of those bills..and it's times like this that i think of moving and getting a room mate..but then i begin to think of all the things i couldn't do if i lived with someone....so i comprised a list: walk around in undies, walk around naked, your company couldn't roam around freely, no more naked cooking...watching tv in yo draws in the common area...no loud music(altho my music isnt really loud now), no loud sex noises, and possibly no kittay...This is a portion of my list but as u can see i lounge around in my skivvies alot..and not saying a roomie wouldn't appreciate those quirky things about me..but it may annoy them...my last bout with roomies was a mess...i had 3 in college..in a 4 bedroom house..and it still wasn't enough room for me not to kill them...at any rate i really like my apt and my space(even tho it's small) I love it...and it's mine.. *insert evil laughter* See there i lost my train of thought.

Oh... Iced Coffee...see this blog entry is pretty much a rap

Lastly it's hot as hell out...very muggy..i had a hard time breathing as i commuted into work this morning..and i generally lug a bottled water with me. It didn't help. So be careful out there..Oh yeah i wont be skipping MaryKay tonight but i found an interesting website..basically bashing MK. It's funny because the content hasnt been updated since last year but whatever...read up on some Fresh Hate

My weekend was very relaxing, and quite frankly I couldn't have asked for a better one. Filled with good people..good food..good music.. and good times. By the end of Saturday I wandered around my neighborhood looking for a liquor store still open...I found a bistro willing to sell me a 6 pack of yuengling for 8 bucks..that ain't right!..but i really wanted some..So i took my leftovers from Ray Lewis'(which is a whole nother post) in the house, and chilled out in the air with a cold brew...Of course I awoke the next day...brew half drank and me all over my bed. I looked over and my cat looked at me as if to say whatever..u know u hogged the bed. Feeling good i awoke early thinking i was going over Dean's...I guess not! Because all i did was wash and dress for a leisurely stroll around my neighborhood..once again, sober... and in search of breakfast...i settled on cooking my own breakfast..which was a bust..because i only ate a few bites... I don't know what's going on with my appetite..it comes and goes at times...because i had no problem on those half rack of ribs...nor on that crab cake..nor on those oyster and not even the ice cream was a problem Saturday...I guess i just ate myself to gluttonous proportions...hahhaha

Sunday turned out to be rather chill..I just went over a friends house for steamed crabs..watched a few shows and tripped out..

This Saturday our dining club will be doing Posh in DC...so far they want us to reserve and have a set menu...but the purpose of the dining club is to order several different things and sample them all...So as of last night..we had to speak with a manager to resolve our issue..i suggested we just break the tables down but have them seated near each other so we can order from the open menu...the thing i like about the dining club is we all just split the bill..no waiting around for who ordered what...we just take the grand total and split it between the 15 odd people who come out...and i like that..because i hate when someone cheats the tab...or doesn't add in their tip..and then act oblivious we're still there settling...

Another week..another dollar...altho i did find out my salary went up 70 bucks...either insurance is going up or i think those merit based increases are getting bumped up a notch. At any rate I got my letter and immediately felt a surge of pride..

My ex commented on a pic i have on myspace...it's funny because the last time we spoke he tried to give me some shit about not speaking to him..newsflash professor keenbeam, in what universe am i to accommodate and make u comfy?..not in this one. But the funny thing about ex's is that they have that try to hold onto that sense of entitlement. You know the one that went out the door the moment u became ex's. But he's an odd bird and only wants to be bothered when he wants to. And that's fine with me. Generally I'm not cool with any of my ex's or ex partners...save for a few that didn't act all weird and crazy post relation..That's a good thing tho...because i have a friend who's an ex magnet..like I've never seen one person get so re tangled back into craziness..but one persons drama is another persons "passion"

Lastly i'm deading this middle man thing..because i hate not coming thru on what i told people..because the referrals are reflections of who u choose to associate with. and this one chick always orders stuff but always cries broke after ordering..wtf kinda crap is that...

Oh the pics from saturday..

The great thing about being single is not having to account for where u are...and I greatly appreciated that this weekend while out with several friends... I was able to wake at 11am...entertain till 4ish..sleep..go to a retirement party...party some more...and wander downtown bmore without a hitch...i also managed to pay 8 bucks for 4 a 6pack of yuengling...but it fit into a perfect weekend..

I was feigning to be oceanside lately and that got cured because the homies..CC and JB called at 11ish to let me know they were in the area...i took them to soundgarden to dig for music..which turned out great...alot of good finds....soundgarden is the truth!!!...anyway we get to lunch..sit dockside and eat on crabcakes...then we had ice cream...maggie moo's my fave...then we sat on the pier taking in the atmosphere and company...i have pics following but it was just a great ass day..and nothing could bring it down...not even flaky folks...the retirement party went off without a hitch...the after party was doper...and now I'm just sitting in my spot..happy...full and sleepy...but I had to reflect on my day...because it's days like this that I sincerely love what my life is about...low maintenance....stress free...flowing...and singular..

....when single happens...

Yesterday after work I went over my BFF's house to get a haircut. She wasn't home from work yet but i didn't mind waiting for her..so i sat there tinkering with my PSP(which by the way i just learned how to upload music and pics onto..and i had it since feb...loser right?) Anyway I'm playing with the innernets because it's wifi...the breeze is blowing and I'm just chillin..not hot..hair blowing in the wind..reflecting on how happy i am on the inside and out..shortly thereafter her future fiancee' pulls up..sees me..."BEW RADLEY", he exclaims..i giggle like i always do...he says Bew Radley in this southern redneck drawl..and for some reason it makes me giggle..because that's the way i remember it from the movie. We make it inside the house...i sniff...their house always smells like some home cooking..they always cook...So Deana comes in shortly thereafter..we go upstairs and i sit in her chair. Then the calls started and the door bell rang... She commented on how tired she was..but she said she's not out because she prayed for everything she was getting... Deana has been doing hair, makeup and nails(All things beautiful) since i met her back in 1991...she's always had this innate talent..no formal training, of just adding her touch and making it her own..and honestly that's where i get alot of my savvying from.. my knowledge of hair care and makeup application is on point because of her. D went to NYC to see if she could make a name for herself and gain experience...with the help of myself and a few other people doing referrals she was able to pop..but she missed her fam and her small niche here in bmore...so after fighting for the love of her life..she refocused..came home and decided to make it pop off in Baltimore..since she's been back her clientèle has more than doubled in size...she holds down a full time job..and comes home and does hair until the wee hours of the morning( i think she has a cut off time but she's on her grind) and yesterday was no exception...gone are the days when i was one the only steady client and it warms my heart that yesterday she had scheduled 3 appts.. but ended up with 5...2 being referrals from me(I'm her walking billboard..since she does shape me up..and razored my cut)...I'm so happy for her i can't explain on this blog..she's just dope..inside and out. i love her more than words can say..she inspires me to cultivate the artistic side of my personality..and hold on to one skill i excel at and just knock it out the park...she accepts me for who i am and is my biggest cheerleader..my shoulder to cry on when I'm down..and my reality when I'm trippin in the clouds. I appreciate my sister and she knows it.. I think i wrote all of this to say honor those u love dearly daily..weekly...monthly.. they inspire and lift u more than u know... i cant imagine my life without HER.

Last night i blew off my weekly motivational Mary Kay meeting to have a lil brother/sister time with CP..He's not my real bro, but over the course of getting to know him.. me and mines have adopted him since he had little to no friends in the area..At first it was bumpy because when he got tipsy he became a taste annoying..i had a heart to heart with him and told him he needed to tone it down..and it's been smooth sailing since..So last night he lured me out the house under the disguise of helping him pick out tees and button ups...i like styling folks so i went out..but before we made it out to the Marshall's, he was like do u mind if we stop for a drink@ our fave watering hole..sure why not? wrong answer... So we sit down get comfy our fave bartender..knew our drinks and immediately served us...1 beer 2 beers...2 drinks..i look at the clock..umm isnt your homie coming in from outta town..and we havent picked out naan a shirt...so we leave..go to marshall's tipsy..but i was on taskkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...5 shirts later, we breezed outta there...and then he did it again...i got this spot i want u to see..ok ok ok..i have no place to be..so why not..we pull up to the lot..and immediately my eyes grew big...I saw a big ass crab..and i knew it was clams and oyster time!!! We got inside..sequestered seats and max out...1 beer 2 beers...and then we picked up a straggler...and it's always funny when u get the straight man on man holla...like dude your cool..we should hang out..this comes after the mutual interests are displayed...i laughed @ CP because he looked at me like this dude has no idea who i am and he gave me his number...i bet if i called him he would be like CP who? Anyway ole white dude said to CP.."i know you people like grenadine in your beer/cooler." CP looked at me and was like is that racist..i was like naw..that's a bmore thing for the most part..a thing i cant clap my hands too..WHY THE HELL WOULD U PUT GRENADINE IN CORONA? Now a Smirnoff ice i can see cause it needs help...but why not spice it up with a miniature of Smirnoff vodka...but people don't hear me..anyway..all this is going on while we watch UFC..I'm dying laughing..because it's more homoerotic tendencies in this fight than any I've seen...and then i exclaimed..hahaha this douche is getting teabagged! Hahahaha i couldn't believe i said that out loud but the white folks loved it and pat me on my back like i was the adorable lil kid @ the bar..So we sit there talking to ole white dude and 2 recent college grads..then i order my oysters and my clams..now you would think eating these are an anomaly but i think it's that men don't see a woman slurp them right of the shell often..and that's what i do..no fork..just eat em...i prefer it right out the shell because it has all the natural juices(haha)...yummy..and these were blue points so they were salty and fresh! We left shortly thereafter...As we cruised down 695 and 83 windows down...stress free..wind blowing thru the car...he put D'Angelo's Brown Sugar on and it was the perfect cap on the perfect evening...I got in the house..did nothing and went to sleep...It also felt nice to come home to a cool apt..score 2 for sha..leaving the air on...CP wont see this till he's thru with his fellas week out in vegas..but i had a ball...

DuecesBabies!

As I sat on the bus this morning, jamming to Michael McDonald's assorted hits...I thought about the new rash of commercials out slammin eharmony/match.com because it denied gay matches..Now I'm thinking in my mind, wow..that's deep...but then i started thinking, what about those people who are just highly picky and just straight out ass holes?..do they get rejection letters as well? Then i began to think I wanted to do some research on how much these sites make....They have to be making a killing because according to some friends who subscribe(and who have yet to find a match or a union that is reality harmonious) the more months u subscribe that's where the savings kick in...Like when you log into the site I'm sure u get a few days free(discount bargaining dating?)...but just as you finally get a bite on your overly thought about profile..you need to pay 20 something odd bucks to retrieve anything. So far only 1 associate swears by match.com..and i say kudos to her...a coworker subscribes and hearing her complain about the pictures that dudes take..and their answers in their profiles..it's a wonder anyone finds anything..and i will admit that often dudes don't know how to take 1 decent picture..and for some reason they end up posting something that looks awkward and distorted..and wonder why their not getting any bites? I mean guy, if you know you have taco meat..shave it and then retake your picture. Or you look like u got a lil ashen sheen on your hands or face...moisturize your situation and preserve your sexy...don't be ashamed to get a female friend to take a picture of you..I'm sure she knows what angles u look good at(cause trust she's been looking at you.. like..can i do him? should i do him? ok this is off on a tangent...but at some point a mutual friend has looked at you in some way other than friendship..or at least thought about it) Anyway..another popular site is BlackPeopleMeet..the urban alternative to the other matching sites...which is nothing but blackplanet if you ask some..Another of my coworkers met her current man on their...and if that's any indication of the quality of folks on that site..no thanks! (not judging their shit but the make up to break up erry 2 weeks..is a bit much for me..then making your profile public again..hahaha..yeah ok) Or you can do it the free and easy way...craigslist..I was at a homeboys bday celebration last year..and this adorable couple was canoodlin and i thought how sweet..i sparked a convo with them and they said their friend craig had hooked them up...Craig Slist...hahaha my dumb ass was like oh that's nice..then i thought CRAIGSLIST!!! hahaha So by this point I guess your wondering which method have i used..well i used craigslist and went one date( dude told me that going to get ice cream was wack...i pretty much told him he was wack for trying to floss his cash..and that cheesecake factory is not flossin) And i think i was on echemistry for all of 2 days...basically their procedure is matching you to people that match your answers..not according to your preferences..and i think i got a ton of white dudes...and that's just not my preference...So now i'm just coasting..not actively seeking..and enjoying life... and i'd rather it that way...i found that when i sought things out it didnt happen for the kid..so right now it's about the kid ! *thumbs up* OH yeah and i'm pretty much awesome!

Last night as i was preparing my dinner..something weird kept happening..the pilot kept going out in the oven..so i'm sitting there waiting on the salmon to be done..and it's taking a long time..so i'm like ok salmon doesnt take that long..so i go back the pilot is out again..but this time a whole hour has passed. So i say forget and put it on the forman grill..the only thing about the forman is that it kinda grills the outside too hard for me..the salmon caesar salad turned out well but that pilot thing is scaring me..what if i was in the house with my ac running no windows up?

Monday morning...

The weekend was hilarious, especially saturday..so i felt i needed to just stay in the house and chill all sunday.. I began my day by harassing friends via text and phone messages...CP called me to see what was up...He volunteered for hang out with Sha time...I went to get a gift for a friend..Mostly showing my appreciation..because he's an awesome dude..even when he doesn't think so..It was hard at first..because i had a budget..but i pulled off what i could with what i had..and i really hope he likes it. Whoever said shopping for a man is easy..lied...you have so many things to bear in mind when buying a gift...be it clothing or the easy way out..some electronics..u still gotta pick the perfect gift..men like women, show their disdain by the expressions on their face and in their eyes..no one wants to receive a sucky gift...

The purpose of having a digicam is to capture those moments you wanna hold onto forever..or a bit longer...for some reason my camera is lame...it takes a moment for the flash to charge..and it runs out of batteries pretty fast..@ the pool party i managed to get one pic before my camera decided it had worked too much for the day...It's so iffy..because i took 3 pics this morning before it decided it wanted a nap...this camera is only 6 months old..I so am not happy..i think the pics come out faster on my phone...

Yesterday was pretty much movie day for me..since i have a ton of movies that were given to me...I watched a total of 3 movies yesterday..and in between that of course i watched law and order...

I cant believe it's June 18th already.. Just wow..times flies..before i know it..it'll be dec 31 again...

As i laid in bed this morning till 6ish awake..i thought about calling out..but, i was like what the hell am i gonna do if i call out?...i had pretty much spent yesterday lazying around..but i couldn't come up with anything so here i am at work...3 people have called in thus far...i should've thought longer and harder hahaha...

Reason #1million...dot..dot..dot I think bmore living rocks..and owning a flask rules...

What started as a mild mannered weekend of spending time with the godkids..turned out to be a wet and wild weekend of hilarities... So I get to Annapolis @ like 5ish...we immediately go check on the kids and we leave back out to come back to Bmore..several drinks..and a few puffs later I was feeling good..and perusing properties in my old neighborhood...some houses as low as 100,000..some as expensive as 425,000...right across the street!...it made me realize I could feasibly still repay my loans and get a spot that would be mine within a year maybe less...at any rate..while riding around...as I pontificated on my new findings..and wether not I really wanted to stay in bmore or not..i thought of my 32nd..and what I hoped it would be ...which will mostly be my folks coming together for a bar crawl...bmore style.. But back to the cookout...at first it started with a few beers..but I remembered I had my flask...my flask is singlehanded my best gift ever..it was given to me by an ex..it was shiny, silver and had my intials engraved on the side...but unfortunately it was stolen and I have a cheap substitute..silver and leather..to some that might be sexy but it's just not my style...but at any rate I whipped my flask out and got tipsy...many patrons envied me...i didn't care about the stares..but I was feeling nice...
my pay off? good bbq...company and times(after a few drinks). Nothing like bmore living...

so this was post..post publishing...
so I'm at said cookout...and my friend said her husbands', most eligible single friend was coming to the cookout.i didn't think much about it. Because me and my friends clearly don't have the same taste..but I waited for the hype..he arrived and I thought.omg..tisnf..idk..ugat...and for those who don't speak teen text talk..oh my god this is so not fair..i don't know..u guys are trippin..he was so so overhyped and prepackaged I felt like I was a bad boy artist album release party.

It's Friday and yes i am sporting jeans to work yet again..I totally forgot i volunteered to clean out the communal refrigerator which is bubblin over with leftover boxes...It's just an excuse to wear jeans and to throw peoples things out. No,but seriously if you know you use a community fridge you should be considerate enough to get rid of the half and half(some folks call this an arnold palmer) cup from 4 weeks ago..or better yet...you know u like blueberry jelly and you're the only one who eats it..when it spills all in the fridge don't look flabbergasted like it couldn't possible be yours. So i set forth in my mission to have a clean fridge and placed a note on their monday morning stating that the things people want to keep should be labeled..anything not being labeled will be thrown out. I gave everyone in our office a chance and now it's all going in the trash because at 715am this morning..nothing was done(see not labeled)...and i start my task at 830 this am. Apparently i am the Florence off this office. I mean we do have housekeeping but i don't know. Sometimes they barely empty the trash...so ah well..if u want something done..shouldn't you do it yourself? My coworker thinks she's slick...she wanted to know if i was wearing jeans so she can wear them as well...all i know is she better help with this undertaking instead of wanting to just wear jeans all day. Mistakenly i got dressed today..complete in Banana Republic pale powder blue sailor pants and a crisp white polo...looking very nautical..then it dawned on me..that damn raspberry jelly..i couldn't quite possibly clean up in that outfit...but i cant look bummy either...so i opted for some jeans i copped from filene's and my fave Proenza Schouler droopy tee that kinda hangs 80's style...it matches my cut..

I'm going to see my godbabies this weekend..and i'm sure a good time will be had by all. I'm leaving work at 3..hence the early arrival to work...These are the babies..with the exception of the grown chick on the left in this pic..

Another week another penny..i did find out i'm getting 2 raises july 1..one cost of living and one a federal increase..holla!

Paranoia and you...

For the longest time,I'd say over the past 5 years I've lived in my apt, I have never thrown away anything with my name on it...why you may ask? 1. I get alot of credit card offers and i don't need anyone ruining the credit i worked hard to clean up...2. many moons ago when i was a newbie to my neighborhood i use to put my bachelorette size baggy of trash in the public trashcan on the corner...I'd make sure the small bag was firmly in the waste basket as not to be an eye sore...Shortly thereafter i went for a nice stroll down the harbor...when i came back...i was walking to my stoop when i saw thee most horrendous crop of flies...upon further inspection it was the same bag of trash i had thrown away...someone had ripped it opened, rummaged thru the trash and taped..yes taped an envelope with my name and address circled...with a threatening note..I'll never forget the note said: BITCH, THIS TRASHCAN IS FOR PUBLIC USE. IT IS NOT YOUR PERSONAL TRASHCAN. NEXT TIME I WILL REPORT YOU AND YOU WILL BE FINED. Needless to say i was livid..i think i knocked on every door in my neighborhood...i was saying to myself oh you thought i was some mild mannered product of a buppies black marriage...OH HELL NAW....No one wanted to fess up to the crap that they did...so i planted another bag..and waited for the dumb mofo to do it again...I guess i did some type of guerrilla tactic myself...I was never bothered again...And personally i thought it was my landlords fault that he didn't let me know the proper place to dispense of my garbage...Ah! downtown living where the residents are crazy as shit house rats. From that point on i'd shred anything with my address on it...any and everything..I had a box of mail accumulating since i burned my poor home shredder up...we just got a new high powered 15 page shredder @ work...it slices and dices confetti style so any type of info theft is thwarted...Dressed in jeans and a short sleeve sweatshirt i packed a gift bag i got from Aruba full of mail...I arrived here at work @ 725, for the undertaking of this task...I guess i had more mail than i thought because the damn thing overheated(i have over 45% of my mail left in the bag..it should be interesting shredding this shit during the day..) and i am now blogging my experience.. :) *cues stars* THE MORE YOU KNOW!


So my main supervisor came in the office frantic about some tax documents he misplaced for a writer's association he chairs...so yesterday in my work clothing best i was on top of dusty ass boxes and shelves...not today my friend..i wore some jeans in this camp...yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

I'm going to happy hour today...I tend to go to my fave pub every week to have a few brews and chop it up with the other bar patrons about nothing and everything..Lately my bestest has been trying to make it a big event complete with the people from her job...don't get me wrong they are cool people, but i come here to unwind not talk about what happened @ The Dentist's office...and i tend to just sit there like oh..*sips**sips* Till my lil bro CP comes in and saves me from the monotony and we have our own lil convo which everyone eventually eavesdrops on being as tho he's usually the only dude...so CP i know you're reading this..after that ass get's out of therapy..HOlla @ Ya sis... we only got limited time to..ya moving away ass munch... :(

Anyway that's about it...other than i look really cute today...that's all..i have to toot my own horn sometimes

Hump Day...

After attending my weekly meeting for Mary Kay, I got home and was tired as hell. I immediately laid my clothing out for work. I have a lot of clothes but i get stuck sometimes maybe i shouldn't lay my clothes out the night before but in the morning I have to worry about my hair and face..see, i like to commute totally "On" that's the way i start my day..fresh faced..fresh dressed...so that way i can walk with my head held high..not to be confused with snobby...anyway, I've been super "on" lately because I'm rocking a new razor cut..that's very low maintenance for me...with some added bends in the sides.. all i Do is mush..and yes i do mean mush and go..or rather tousle w/ some pomade or styling wax..i try not to use any gel on my hair..it makes it heavy and unhealthy..not to say gel does not have it's place but not in this easy breezy hair style...it's reminiscent of a emo punk rocker..this is whatthe front looks like not so long on the side thobut i guess it can be greatly summed up by this pic..my hair is 100% like the dude on the FAR LEFT It's hard having such great hair...i keed..maybe I'm not..mostly whatever i do to my hair i rocks with it because it's my decision...but this decision to rock it low on the sides and let the top grow was a good decision..i can get about 5 styles out of this one cut to satisfy my hair change jones...for those that know me..know i cant keep one hair style long...that's why when i meet chicks who always have the same flavorless wrap i'm like oh girllllllllllll live....and usually the hair is indicative of the personality and or personal style..I bet you didn't know you could tell alot by what someoneS hair looks like..

I didn't watch all of the game... i think i watched the end of 1st quarter @ the hotel where our meeting was held and 2nd at home..after half time I'm pretty sure it was lights out for me because i woke up with the tv on at 5am...I guess all Cleveland needed was the home court advantage for them to play a lil better...but in the end i guess the Spurs just pulled thru in the clutch..and that's all i got to say about that..

I have a minor gripe this morning..one of my responsibilities here at work is to maintain the office supplies..so i am allotted 2G's at the very least to buy supplies for an office of about 15 people...I put the word out that i am indeed ordering and if anyone needs anything they need to get the catalog and ear mark what they want...i placed and order Monday afternoon...the order was here by tues. afternoon..only 2 people request items...The time comes for me to put away all the shiny new supplies that i ordered for the office..my keyboard went up..so i got me another ergonomic keyboard..nothing fancy..a few gel roller pens i like to use and some steno pads for meetings..another coworker takes minutes for the Dean when in meetings so she got a dictation device..so about 2pm...everyone is complaining i didn't ask them if they need anything..and this looks bad on me..because the dean probably is thinking i didn't ask anyone...so i had to beast for a moment...i said yall ain't right i asked each and everyone of you did u need anything..u all were so trapped up in your computer screens you didn't wanna pull away and order...it's nice to know your so vigilant at your jobs...the mob dispersed..the dean laughed...Ms. T, you really know how to let the air out...i sure do i replied..i sure damn do... Needless to say i have to make another order..and this time this one was announced in front of the dean..so far one person has a grocery list of shit..THIS AIN'T FINGER HUT PEOPLE...

Lately it seems that everyone is going thru some type of emotionally draining experience...From relations to every day life I've had one friend after the other talk to me on aim, gmail, text or on the phone about what's going on with them..so my heart is heavy with concern for them and theirs..that's just who i am...But it is taking my mind off of those things that lay in my heart and mind as well..For anyone going thru it..Boogie loves ya! XOXOXOXOXXO

Fiercely determined to get a good nights sleep...I called in my food order, picked it up straight off the bus. I ate, ironed my clothing for the morning,took a shower,and laid on my bed. I thought to myself, hopefully I'll sleep thru the night...*sigh* that would not be...Not only did i fall asleep around 8...I woke up at 230 and every hour after that..330..430..530...between sleep and wake..i whined..yes i whined about being stuck betwixt the 2..It was ugly...the 1st time i got up..i looked at my phone..checked the email to see if i had company but no...I thought to myself he must've gotten some sleep..curses on him! It was 245 i dozed back off..and it started thee weirdest dream of my adult life...not to be confused with the one from childhood..which was frightening...so the dream goes...me and 2 friends decide to rob a bank..each one of us for various reasons...the dream never revealed mine...So we rob the bank successfully..split the money and go our separate ways...For some reason my 2 friends got caught in H&M of all places! Paying cash for a 1000 bill..yikes! So i see on the news that they were caught..and that at the time they were not looking for any other perpetrators(nice word right?) So i go on the purchase a house i fell in love with and invested the rest...No sooner was i living the high life..i got a letter in the mail from my friends saying that if i didn't come forth they'd rat me out...i didn't respond and the authorities didn't believe them..come to find out they tried to name everyone of our friends because no one wanted to come visit them in jail...i woke up shortly after with a sleep hang over and decided..I'd interpret my own dream..
Major themes being--> Thief(To dream that you are a thief, suggests that you are afraid of losing what you already have. Perhaps you are feeling that you are undeserving of the things you already have. Alternatively, you may be overstepping your boundaries in some situation or relationship.To dream that you are a witness to a theft, indicates that others are wasting and stealing your time, energy, and ideas.),Money (To dream that you steal money, forewarns that you are in danger and need to be cautious. On a positive note, it may mean that you are finally going after or reaching out towards attributes that you associate with things of value.), Betrayal(To dream that you have been betrayed, represents your suspicions about a particular person, relationship or situation. This dream often occurs when you are having feelings of insecurity and are faced with major commitments in your life at the same time.)Bribery (To dream that you are being bribed, suggests that you are easily influenced. Perhaps you are letting others persuade you into doing something you don't really want to. Gather your strength and stand up for yourself.),Buying(To dream that you or someone is buying something, represents your acceptance of an idea, condition, or situation. Consider what item you are buying for additional analysis.) a Home(To see your home in your dream, signifies security, basic needs, and values. You may feel at home at your new job or you finally feel settled and comfortable in a new environment. ), & Friends (To see your friends in your dream, signifies aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to integrate these rejected part of yourself. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself. Additionally, this symbol foretells of happy tidings from them and the arrival of good news. )---So after reading that basic analyst i was like wow!!!! Needless to say i don't wanna analyze not one more dream in this crazy head of mine.

Now to the end this blog on a somewhat hilarious note...this morning as i was preparing to depart the bus..i got a glimpse of a dude on the bus stop i was waiting to get off on. Immediately i knew it was a guy i use to mess with around 1996-1997...when i was heavily into my backpacker/bgirl mode..Me and him would hit the circuit and stay up all night talking..He was a rapper..And I sure did adore dude for what it was...I was living with my granny and she liked him as well..So coming back to reality i looked at his clothing and his face..his overall person..and decided right then i was gonna walk right past him ipod on blast...I just didn't wanna see him in the condition that he was in..and would rather see him as i saw him in my head back in 97..Life certainly has not been kind to him...but we all make our choices.. I just didn't feel like going thru the back and forth of catch up..and the eventual asking of my number which i really didn't wanna give..hahah what am i turning into...My granny...ahahah..certain things she just didn't wanna bother with

I've been asked to model in 2 projects..one a fashion show for hair..the other a photography series that will be exhibited this aug..i think..I've said yes to one but the other..i don't know..it'll be me basically nude in a tube of milk.. :|

I milled over this idea for a moment...wether to post another entry or not..and well you know the decision...To say or not to say? Even in cases where things can't be mistaken..do you say how u feel? Or do you stay quiet and let it smolder? You always think if i don't say i have the potential to let something pass me by...but by saying you fear the worse..which is in my honest opinion the word no...no one wants to hear the word no..my granny would always say it doesn't kill you, but it does...The word no is a killer to somethings and feelings inside of you. I know if i talk to the bestest..she'll bring me back to reality and put it in perspective for me... what could that be? maybe i should've done that before i did this..i'm babblin...i'll be back with more later..But have you ever felt something you haven't felt before in a prior situation..that you feel now?

I had a entry pre written from a tipsy mini stupor Saturday after leaving the raw bar @ Faidley's but i re-read it..although entertaining, i decided against it...and decided to go with what's on my mind this morning.. As I'm listening to "Goodbye" sent to me by one cool dude I was thinking about the pros and cons of a relationship..Now for me the pros outweigh the cons because that's just who i am..I'm willing to put in the work and get in the trenches all for the glory of love(obscure karate kid reference) Anyway sap aside, I've witnessed a few tiffs this last past week betwixt various couples..some couples this is their M.O. but other couples you really feel that arguing isn't their best look because it shows thru and thru. Watching one couple go thru the motions i've remembered times where i've been out with a S.O. and an argument was picked for fucks sake over something as small as me not "asking to share his time with my bestfriend." We were in Chipotle in NYC of all places when i merely said I know Deans has been working all day..i'mma drop her some food off on the way in..I thought no biggy it's 3pm...I can drop this food off, hug my bestest and keep it moving...in nyc the bestest and the ex lived a mere 5 mins by sedan...so anyway..we're in chipotle i order..and i heard this voice get loud.."YOU NEVER ASK," he exclaimed..and i thought for a second i know this is not him beastin on me in public...this dummy has lost his mind..i turned around coolly and said, "WHAT?" He pulls me to the side "you're here to see me"...Now when I'm in a relationship..i'm about your time..but their are a few people that i take calls from and see..i'm not the alienating type of broad in a relationship..i don't leave all my friends by the wayside to lose my identity to "us" But going on with the story...i picked the food up...and was quiet the whole train ride..and the walk to the bestests house..we went in bade everyone hello and sat for a second..it was then he decided he needed to talk..upon going outside i let him have it..and told him i didn't take kindly to being backed in the corner like i was a bad ass cat..he said that my actions proved that i enjoyed being single..i thought what an ass..here i am traveling every weekend..tired from seeing him..and he's gonna preach to me...i broke it off...i never saw a dude cry over some shit i did till then...it shook me cause 1. i wanted to laugh( like seriously...i didn't need it..not after u bitched me out) 2. he had lost his mind if he thought this was his idea of retention... and i said all that to say public fights ain't cute...and i witnessed once Saturday while out with friends..and you can always tell when a couple rifts while out because the friends look divided and antsy...they don't wanna let the argument bring the night down..but at some point everyone starts to bail..it really bought down the high of the evening..but not enough sober me up...:) People if your wanna have a lover's spat...save that crap for alone time..don't subject others to your love games..

Last nights game was horrible..at one pt in the first qtr, i got it in my mind that i was changing the channel from this mess..I mean i was offended and thought cleveland looked absolutely terrible.. I gave a friend of mine crap during the playoffs..about cleveland ruling...but after last nights game..i feel i owe his ass something..we'll see what he comes up with. I know it's only game two but still...damn man !

Now back to dating...hence the title of this blog...Me and my bestest was discussing another friend of ours and how he was oblivious to the fact that a chick was secretly dating him..now the way this goes is..in her mind she's getting closer to getting in..in his she's friend zoned for the time being or until both parties are finna do the monkey..It's hilarious because I've been secretly dated in the past under the guise of friendship..it wasn't until we showed up to a party that he accidentally let it slip that i was his "girlfriend" like bold as day he was like this is my "girlfriend" i was like what? He later said..he felt put on the spot..and "his friends kept asking what was up with us." I mean why did i have to be the last to know? It didn't last too long thereafter...So folks be on the look out for the secret daters of the opposite sex..they always wanna go out for drinks..hang out one on one..and do coupley things...yes i said coupley...you know you can think of some of those folks right off the top of your head.

Lastly i was gonna talk about all the things that rolled thru my head on Sunday..but I'll spare you until another day...I've bombarded you with my random musings for this day long enough.

It's gonna be like a million degrees today...and the funny shit is..it's one day only...I'm like damn man..last night i could've blew the dust of my AC Unit but i always find a lil tinge of procrastination when it comes to putting it back in the window...I'm one of those people who remove the unit...only because it's an eye sore to me when it's cold out..so i had a fleeting thought this morning to put it in..but i didn't I said fuck it..maybe i can catch a movie or not come in the house till after 8..ahahah..i don't know maybe i'll go home after work and install it...who knows, all i know is when my landlord sees my AC unit in my window all he'll see is $$ signs...I'd much rather the fresh air blowing thru my apt as opposed to the AC but on those stifling days i bite the bullet..Today may be one of those days...or maybe i'll just lounge in my draws and tank top...Even if it was in, my landlord mandates that you turn the AC off when you're not at home which makes no sense because you burn more energy when you keep turning the unit on and off...blah...what's a chick to do? Happy hour right? it's always the answer!

Last night I attempted to watch the game and got very disappointed..it was from the first qtr. that i realized Cleveland is gonna get circles played around them(yes..i saw how crestfallen King James' face looked last night..specially when he wasn't hitting anything)...which made me sad...We were all witnesses to some sadness...Last night i was called a sell out since San Antonio was my fave team from youth..but i also got a pass seeing as how they fell off for a bit before their triumphant return..It's a bit strange being a chick who enjoys watching sporting events...i'll mention me watching a game or something to a female friend or my bestest and they scrounge up their faces...i'm like damn give it a chance...I'm no die hard sports chick and i could stand to bone up on stats and know the players more but i do enjoy a good show of sportsmanship...maybe it's because i played sports growing up..and wasn't much the girly girl but hey...sistas embrace some sports..stop being so closed minded...

Lastly I'd like to speak on social slip outs...Like when you see someone you particularly could live without speaking too any further than hey and hello.. The Scene: Interior Mick O'Shea's me and Dean catching a few drinks..and this dude comes in and Dean has this look on her face like dear god save me...so he realizes it's her because she's growing her hair out natural and has a sewn in weave..so instantly he comes over and immediately hugs on her and hits her with a barrage of compliments..one such gem being "you smell like you took a bath." Fellas is this what's hot in the streets? anyway..ahhahaha I was dying on the inside because we had just gotten our second round when dude got there...She downed her drink with a quickness..i had beer so i couldnt as fast..but i left my beer half drank..which is a sin for me but ah well...he asked did we want another round and i've never seen someone turn down a free drink so fast..."no we gotta go!" and out the door we went..

Speaking of half empty...I was able to ditch the whole 1st Thursday debacle last night thanks to my landlord who talked a whole bunch of nothing only to say nothing and introduce the whole building..i was somewhat pissed because i just knew it was a rent increase or increase period with this raising of bge rates...

Day 5 of my fast...I have modified the fast to meet the needs of my hypoglycemia...i feel good and light as opposed to haggard and lethargic...4 more days to go..yay me..

Oh...A friend of mines that i use to date(think: cool friends..tried romance..his ex loomed in the background crying and beggin to talk.. we weren't getting close..so we parted) had an issue with his girlfriend..He has had my spare set of keys since about 2003 when i asked him to check on my cat (Ella) I think about once a year i asked him to do that and it's on Memorial Day Weekend..No biggy I'm never home..and outside of that we don't hang much..we talk on the phone a few times..nothing romantic..He hits me on aim yesterday and says yo i'mma bring you ya keys..i was like ok and didn't think anymore about it..cause i could give them to Deana who was MIA when i needed her to feed Ella at that time..but anyway..he goes into how his girl says it's not sitting right with her about him having my keys...she's been with him those few times he fed Ella...but what's confusing him is the timeliness of her request..The first thing i thought is..she's doing her dirt..but i tried not to be so cynical..it ain't my relationship...But i was scratching my head like how do u go from wanting to meet me..which she has requested on several occasions then declined..to not feeling comfy since about 2005 when they met..*shrugs* Be consistent sistas..no one likes a bitter bertha....insecurity is a bitch.

I was thinking of what to blog about on my way into work today...as you can see I am a bit late with this entry... So I guess I should blog about my weight loss...down 175 from 183...i guess this fruit and veggie fast is ok...but lemme reiterate i'm not on that Nicole Ritchie..i noticed the difference as well...yesterday preparing for a soirée I threw on some banana republic wide leg sailor pants I got last summer...they were tight then..but I have space around the tummy this go round..yay me! Ideally i'd like to be 155...that's at least a solid size 10...a friend reminded me yesterday that I looked kickass for someone in her early 30's... *eat my dust office fat smasher participators*

Once more I witnessed the hilarity that is a few sisters vying for one man...If you could have seen the subtle yet overt attempts to win his favor, each and everyone of you would have chuckled...it wasn't as if there were no other brothers there...but I guess this brother had the goods...looking good in his business attire he worked the room greeting people. I just laughed because he was so out of his element but he handled it with poise and grace....at first the sisters were chill but as any 4th qtr winds down to 6 mins on the clock crunch time ensues...5 mins...vying for one on one face time...4 mins..witty jokes and airy laughter...3 mins..the lean in and giggles..2 mins..the sexual innuendo or the touch to the back or arm(touch the thigh for some of my advanced sistas)..1 min...clears the other opponents..and sees a free shot...30seconds...last ditch 3 pt to bring it home...*BRICK*
*insert sad face* walks off court defeated only to give a wack press conference on what they didn't do wrong.....You wanna know who the dude ended up with? *shrugs* all I know is, there were some disappointed sisters in the house as we all stepped out into the night air...

Tonight is first thursdays in bmore...as I stated yesterday ya girl will go..serve face and split...the game comes on tonight...and WE ALL ARE WITNESSES....

*TAKES BOW...DROPS MIC*

There are some perks that come with weight gain...Breast! The absolute best thing about my weight gain is that some of my shirts that didn't fit properly round the boob area but fit just right in the back..fits 100% perfect..and i love it.. The focus of this re-emphasis on my figure is simply to rid myself of this bucket o fun i have on my front...not to be confused with a FUPA (pronounced (Foo-Pah) That roll of flab over the genitals that occurs in obese people. Looks most hideous when seen through sweatpants.
In females stands for "Fat Upper Pussy Area" and in males "Fat Upper Penis Area"
Brenda was a sweet girl, but unfortunately had an enormous FUPA that prevented her from attracting potential boyfriends.) ..but yeah..i wanna be a lil bit more svelte with this figure of mines once again...I don't look terrible or anything..but no one knows you better than you.. Fast Day 3 on horizon...day 2 behind me...The weekend will be interesting...

I'm always amaze myself with the lil scenarios and espionage plots i make up in my head when i'm plotting to do something or get somewhere...Plain and simple i'm resourceful...and quite crafty..having said that..I'mma have to do some finnaglin to get out of this First Thursday's Concert in Bmore w/ Chuck Brown..I wanna ditch it for 2 reasons...Lately I've become somewhat disenchanted with that scene because i see the same folks..but i go because the bestfriend loves it so..that and if u have a cooler u can bring ya own booze...It's funny because it's always the same thing.. I see the bestfriend of my ex who goes off on this tangent about how Kev is fine and how his kids are and how they're going golfing @ the country club..so now every time i see him I'm like heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..alright now be good......... *swift exit* It's hilarious cause last time he didn't know what hit him..I kinda rocked and shocked him...It's about the good shock and awe..like damn did she just completely blow me off? Yes I did.. :) It's always fun to go with someone new tho...to see their face light up because of this seemingly bubblin pot of black urban professionalism(yeah right!)...and it's all new to them and it's their playground..get into it!

In my quest to grow my hair out on top..I haven't did much of anything to my hair...by this time last year i had about 3 different weaves... Could it be ya girl is slowing down? I've amazed myself(yet again) in the hair department but it feels good to just rock out with my real hair...now i wont say i wont get frustrated with my hair and will prolly do at least 2 weaves this summer..because sometimes short hair is a pain to keep straightened in the summer..especially when your hair likes to curl up on it's own...

Lastly.....*drum rolls* I've been tinkering with the idea of getting a Brazilian..wax that is...the only thing i foresee as a problem is keeping up with my appt. Because we all know the annoying feel of when hair grows back...Normally i'll keep it parred down and not so BushGardens..anyway i know u're wondering how'd we get on her pubes..well dammit it's my blog :)

CUPCAKIN!!!!!

Why is it that, when u clearly establish a routine...the moment you plan to do something it doesn't fly? So this morning I was supposed to start running...banking on the fact that i would wake up at 5am. What time did i wake up you ask? ...545...I just got up...jumped rump..and got in the shower... Yesterday was day 1 of my fast...twasn't bad but...there was cake @ last nights soirée..and sweet jesus it looked so good...marble cake with sugar cream topping..everywhere I turned everyone was asking why i wasn't having any cake...nor punch..and i had to explain over and over that i was on a fast from sweets pretty much...it's not hard because on the daily i don't consume alot of sweets it's just that temptation when you're not supposed to have them...yesterday i had coffee and pretty much found out i couldn't have coffee as well...The whole office is just about on it..but a few of my coworkers exclaimed that they must have they're coffees(again with the s thing)... Anyway it's funny because one coworker is not on it and she eats in the main office with us...as we all convened yesterday for lunch..we all had salads or some type of steamed veggie w/ brown rice..she pulls out McDonald's Cheeseburgers..now the funny thing about it is..she complains about her health and weight gain..as well as the impending fear of a thyroid problem but she was bragging about how if we had any fatty foods we could ship them her way..we all kinda just looked at her side ways and continued on our health quest... I always think it's funny when people talk about and complain about the same things over and over again..and never wanna do anything about..and she's one of those people.. anyway...fast forward to when i got home...Ideally you aren't to eat at least a hour and a half before you go to bed..and when i think of this i often get flustered and go to bed without eating..only to have it compounded when i wake up..starving..and what may i have for breakfast you ask?...why..grains and oats...(oatmeal) blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I'm going to see how far i get on this thing..because i am use to my morning cup of joe but this morning I'm having jasmine tea no sweetener..exciting right?... All this to say how excited I am that they are finally putting a Starbucks around my way..yes! But they prolly wont open till Fall so I'm still good folks..

After a brief conversation with a friend in which they had me dying about the perils of being single and having to weed thru things. Just like picking thru clothing @ sales...dating isn't easy..nothings easy...why should it be? They asked me how i dealt with getting to know people...easily i exclaimed...They always weed themselves out..and for me this holds true..for some reason or another something happens..some chemistry doesn't connect..the dating gods see fit to frown upon my date from hell....
I also notice that people want instant relationships when things take time to develop..true once u have establish your interest with someone then it should go from there but things need coaching and coaxing...people don't date at the same rates..and we all are looking for something different..and be honest...are u honest with people when u initially meet them? All this adds up to tomfoolery and fuckery..someone ends up mad and then you're back to square one.. One of my friends is a big pro-craigslist person..another match.com...i cant see me making an ad and taking someone serious who responds to my ISO laughter and realness request...I also cant see me paying to peruse a site full of men who are ready to marry you upon the second date.. eh well..single is what single does..

I dont know how far i'll get into this blog before i lose my train of thought....But it's amazing the things you think of when you're alone...that's just one of things i'll be writing about today...and i have to make sure i get it all out or there will be repeat entries... Now..... Although I know there are about 10 of your who have signed up to read this blog..by the end of the day....there will only be about 2..hahaha...as much as folks said they wanted me to continue to write..i think it was moreso to read about my pain and ups and downs with dating....so yeah...i think imma take it back public as well

I had a pretty decent weekend... I went to DC friday to hang out with a friend..just to chill..nothing too hectic..but it turned out to be a group excursion and i really wasnt looking forward to that because of previous bouts i've had with this friends friends...but it all turned out swell..everyone had a good time...but in the midst of us seeking another lounge..and ending up in some other lounge i lost my makeup pouch..which i didnt realize was gone till saturday am...i panicked at first because i looked for my wallet..then my psp..then i saw no makeup bag and i thought someone had hit me in my stomach..it had all my favorites in there..things i had accumulated and worked well for me...hence my favorites...i found the lounges number and left a message...i considered it a long shot but tried..no one called me.. :( I haven't worn any makeup in the last 48 hours...i just wasnt feeling it...This morning you should have seen my scramblin trying to find things that were comparable to what i lost...and then i realized..most of my more costly brushes were in that bag..and i let out a sigh...i'm a creature of habit and comfort..and i didnt like not having what i was use to one bit... :( Having said that i can say that after getting all that done..i felt cute in my clothing until the following happened.. 1. while putting on loose powder it got all on my sleeve...i was using a substitute brush...i just dusted what i could off and kept it moving.. 2. I was on the bus maxin out listening to my new must hear song "postcards from the edge", when i focused and noticed it was raining..after the news guys said the rain had passed...i instantly frowned and any semblance of cuteness was washed away...my hair looked like a wet slick back..my clothing misted with rain..my feet sliding.. and 3. the light was out at a major thoroughfare..all i could think about was frogger and how i might possible get hit by a car... :( I didn't but still... I'd just freshly did my hair yesterday and i have an event to attend after work today....It's only 749 and blah this day is already shitty... anyway... I said this blog would be a doozy..so here's the rest...

I spent a lil time with someone i use to talk to..the time we spent was brief but it made me realize how much i missed him and how fleeting our moment was...but things happened...while we were chillin he kept asking what i was thinking about..sometimes i wasnt thinking of anything other times i was thinking of what it would be like to be with him once more...but i didnt have the nerve to say wont we try...again...He'll always have a lil spot in my heart but i just don't know what to do..someone might call me a punk but so be it..he's got alot on his plate and i feel it's a bit selfish of me to add me to it...so i stored what i was thinking and kept it moving.

Yesterday and saturday once my friend left i pretty much stayed in the house..restless...having trouble sleeping..i dont know if it was what i mentioned aboved..but i felt lonely/lethargic...i alternated tv stations..alternated playing games on my psp/my ds/and my treo..i'd lay down..close my eyes but then there goes those thoughts again(not related to anything..just totally random)...i didnt drink anything...i just kinda like laid in the feeling..i didnt call anyone to complain..i did nothing but lay in my apt all day...thinking...i came to no conclusion.. eh